I think no one wants to be toxic… but no matter what, there are just some people who you simply cannot click with! These are the people that just sap the life/energy out of you… very unpleasant and difficult to deal with.
Based on my own experience, there are 3 classifications of Toxic People:
VILLAIN
The kind of person we all love to hate… rude and inconsiderate with a sharp tongue. Think Sue Sylvester of Glee, but usually physically uglier and unpleasant just to look at. Always with a loud and negative opinion about things- She poses herself as someone with such high standards that nothing can please her. She’s probably someone who never got noticed during high school and she thinks that her ‘colorful’ personality will mask her lack of physical beauty and her insecurity.
I know of a villain and I’m actually quite surprised that she even has friends. But then, her friends are mostly insecure people who think that they need her “approval”, since she gives out an air that people need to please her to be classified as “worthy”. When people tell her that she acts like a snob, she’s proud of it and justifies that she has the right cause she’s smart and good in what she does. Too bad her designer clothes, bags and shoes cannot fully hide her stinky feet, stinky breath, stinky underarms and even stinkier character!
When I’m around villains, my guard instantly goes up. I know I need to be in battle mode cause her nasty, slimy tongue can lash out at me anytime. The main reason why villains are so draining is that you have to always do your best not to be affected by her negative opinions and ugliness. Sometimes, it’s hard to enjoy your experience when there’s a villain beside you complaining about everything and everyone. I realized that what she wants is attention. So the best solution? Ignore her!
VICTIM
I know of a villain and I’m actually quite surprised that she even has friends. But then, her friends are mostly insecure people who think that they need her “approval”, since she gives out an air that people need to please her to be classified as “worthy”. When people tell her that she acts like a snob, she’s proud of it and justifies that she has the right cause she’s smart and good in what she does. Too bad her designer clothes, bags and shoes cannot fully hide her stinky feet, stinky breath, stinky underarms and even stinkier character!
When I’m around villains, my guard instantly goes up. I know I need to be in battle mode cause her nasty, slimy tongue can lash out at me anytime. The main reason why villains are so draining is that you have to always do your best not to be affected by her negative opinions and ugliness. Sometimes, it’s hard to enjoy your experience when there’s a villain beside you complaining about everything and everyone. I realized that what she wants is attention. So the best solution? Ignore her!
VICTIM
It is not true that no one wants to be a victim… some people may even enjoy being one! These are people who always act helpless, always needing the encouragement of others to feel better about themselves.
Our usual first response towards such people is to try to help them and to cheer them on. We would make all sorts of suggestions on how he/she can improve himself/herself and even make extra effort to accompany him/her to do things for his/her improvement. If we can help him/her increase his/her self-esteem, why not?
But then, after a while, we start to realize that this person is not even making an effort to improve! Every suggestion you give will be met by a sad “I don’t think I can do it” or “I don’t know how” or he/she simply doesn’t want to do it. Or he/she might even turn the table around and make it appear like he/she is doing you a favour when he/she is doing what YOU want him/her to do to improve himself/herself. Other people around you might start staring at you strangely with the question, “Why are you forcing this person to do something he/she doesn’t want to do?” When you invite him/her to go somewhere, he/she will act like it’s your responsibility that he/she gets home safely… it’s like he/she expects you to treat him/her like a baby.
And then you get it… this person enjoys being a victim. He/she is not looking for improvement, merely attention. If the victim improves, then he/she knows that he/she would not be getting the same amount of care and attention from others, that’s why he/she is holding himself/herself back.
How I respond to victims? When he/she says, “I don’t think I can do it.” Then I say, “But you have to, anyway. And if you don’t do it well, then just do it again and again.” When he/she says, “I don’t know how.” I say, “Then learn.” When he/she makes it seem like he/she doesn’t want to follow your suggestion or that you’re forcing him/her, then say kindly, “It’s ok. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. It won’t be my loss.” Then don’t bring it up again… even when he/she brings up the same plight again and again after.
HERO/HEROINE WANNA-BE
Our usual first response towards such people is to try to help them and to cheer them on. We would make all sorts of suggestions on how he/she can improve himself/herself and even make extra effort to accompany him/her to do things for his/her improvement. If we can help him/her increase his/her self-esteem, why not?
But then, after a while, we start to realize that this person is not even making an effort to improve! Every suggestion you give will be met by a sad “I don’t think I can do it” or “I don’t know how” or he/she simply doesn’t want to do it. Or he/she might even turn the table around and make it appear like he/she is doing you a favour when he/she is doing what YOU want him/her to do to improve himself/herself. Other people around you might start staring at you strangely with the question, “Why are you forcing this person to do something he/she doesn’t want to do?” When you invite him/her to go somewhere, he/she will act like it’s your responsibility that he/she gets home safely… it’s like he/she expects you to treat him/her like a baby.
And then you get it… this person enjoys being a victim. He/she is not looking for improvement, merely attention. If the victim improves, then he/she knows that he/she would not be getting the same amount of care and attention from others, that’s why he/she is holding himself/herself back.
How I respond to victims? When he/she says, “I don’t think I can do it.” Then I say, “But you have to, anyway. And if you don’t do it well, then just do it again and again.” When he/she says, “I don’t know how.” I say, “Then learn.” When he/she makes it seem like he/she doesn’t want to follow your suggestion or that you’re forcing him/her, then say kindly, “It’s ok. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. It won’t be my loss.” Then don’t bring it up again… even when he/she brings up the same plight again and again after.
HERO/HEROINE WANNA-BE
Have you ever watched a silly horror or action movie wherein in a monster’s/ ghost’s/ psycho’s/ killer’s quest to kill the hero/heroine of the movie, he ended up killing lots of other people who may not even have that much to do with the hero/heroine?
When I watched those kinds of movies, I often wondered if I would like to be in the place of the heroine. Yes, I would be alive in the end, but would my conscience be able to take the death of all those people? Shudder… I wouldn’t want to be in that position!
However, I know of some people who always want to be the heroine or leading actress in everything! Everything you’ve done, everything you feel, everything you think… those are midgets compared to everything she’s done, everything she’s feeling, everything she’s thought of.
I know of a heroine wanna-be and when you say to her, “I have a headache”, she will suddenly wince and say, “I have a migraine.” When you say, “I have this 1 suitor…”, she will interrupt you to say, “I have 3 suitors right now!”
Since she thinks she’s the heroine of everybody’s real-life movie, she has to convince everyone that she is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most interesting… the most perfect of them all. So conversations with her usually revolve around her make-believe achievements on how she “saved the day”.
Since “secondary characters” cannot be as smart as the “heroine”, she thinks everyone else around her is so stupid that they cannot think for themselves and can easily be manipulated. When I do something nice for her, she doesn’t really appreciate it as she thinks she just deserves it or that I need to serve her better still, like a loyal subject to a princess. Must be why she has such a difficult time keeping a boyfriend… well, who would want to be with a girl who treats you like a doormat and wants to be served all the time?
Hero and Heroine Wanna-Be’s are so tiring to be with, as no matter what you do, it’s never enough for him/her. He/she would always brag that he/she can do much better. When you serve him/her, he/she would say or make you feel that it’s not enough, as a prince/princess like him/her deserves so much more. He/She would also not hesitate to tramp on you and make you feel that you’re just a worthless piece of trash. She makes you feel bad about yourself just so she can be superior.
When you see a hero/heroine wanna-be, the best thing you can do is just keep your distance… a very far distance.
When I watched those kinds of movies, I often wondered if I would like to be in the place of the heroine. Yes, I would be alive in the end, but would my conscience be able to take the death of all those people? Shudder… I wouldn’t want to be in that position!
However, I know of some people who always want to be the heroine or leading actress in everything! Everything you’ve done, everything you feel, everything you think… those are midgets compared to everything she’s done, everything she’s feeling, everything she’s thought of.
I know of a heroine wanna-be and when you say to her, “I have a headache”, she will suddenly wince and say, “I have a migraine.” When you say, “I have this 1 suitor…”, she will interrupt you to say, “I have 3 suitors right now!”
Since she thinks she’s the heroine of everybody’s real-life movie, she has to convince everyone that she is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most interesting… the most perfect of them all. So conversations with her usually revolve around her make-believe achievements on how she “saved the day”.
Since “secondary characters” cannot be as smart as the “heroine”, she thinks everyone else around her is so stupid that they cannot think for themselves and can easily be manipulated. When I do something nice for her, she doesn’t really appreciate it as she thinks she just deserves it or that I need to serve her better still, like a loyal subject to a princess. Must be why she has such a difficult time keeping a boyfriend… well, who would want to be with a girl who treats you like a doormat and wants to be served all the time?
Hero and Heroine Wanna-Be’s are so tiring to be with, as no matter what you do, it’s never enough for him/her. He/she would always brag that he/she can do much better. When you serve him/her, he/she would say or make you feel that it’s not enough, as a prince/princess like him/her deserves so much more. He/She would also not hesitate to tramp on you and make you feel that you’re just a worthless piece of trash. She makes you feel bad about yourself just so she can be superior.
When you see a hero/heroine wanna-be, the best thing you can do is just keep your distance… a very far distance.
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